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Trump Throws an Impotent Shit Fit, Threatens Retribution Over Extended Facebook Ban


At 9 a.m. on Wednesday, after deliberating the matter for several months, Facebook‘s oversight board announced that it would not be lifting the company’s ban on Donald Trump, and that moratorium on the ex-president’s deranged ravings would remain in place until at least November 2021. For his part, Trump surprised everyone by taking the news in stride, remaining calm, cool, and collected, and reportedly telling an adviser, “I respect their decision. I messed up and am rightfully paying the price.”

No, just fucking with you, of course. In reality, the 45th president, who was kicked off Facebook (and Twitter and YouTube) after encouraging his followers to stage a coup, reacted exactly as everyone though he would, i.e. by throwing an impotent fit in which he falsely claimed his First Amendment rights have been violated and threatened vengeance against Big Tech, which he believes is conspiring against him to hide the “truth” about…something.

“What Facebook, Twitter, and Google have done is a total disgrace and an embarrassment to our Country,” the living embodiment of a disgrace and embarrassment to the United States wrote/screamed in a statement. “Free Speech has been taken away from the President of the United States because the Radical Left Lunatics are afraid of the truth, but the truth will come out anyway, bigger and stronger than ever before. The People of our Country will not stand for it! These corrupt social media companies must pay a political price, and must never again be allowed to destroy and decimate our Electoral Process.”

What price the companies might pay is not clear but Trump’s allies laid out a few suggestions after news of the extended ban was announced. On Fox News, former White House chief of staff Mark Meadows said it was “a sad day for Facebook” because Congress will likely now be forced to break up the company. Senator Josh Hawley, who recently wrote a book called The Tyranny of Big Tech, tweeted: “Here’s a real life example of the tyranny of #BigTech- a fake @Facebook court decides @Facebook can do whatever @Facebook wants, in this case, suspending Donald Trump [without] process or standards. That’s what monopolies do. Break them up.” (Actually, that’s what private companies do.) Rep. Jim Banks similarly chimed in, writing: “This is a dangerous and reckless decision and sends a clear signal to conservatives using social media—you’re not welcome here. If Facebook is so big it thinks it can silence the leaders you elect, it’s time for conservatives to pursue an antitrust agenda.” (Actually, conservatives are extremely welcome on Facebook, where posts by right-wing personalities and outlets regularly rank in the top 10 of all U.S. accounts and most recently included ones by Ben Shapiro, Fox News, Dan Bongino, and Sean Hannity.)

When it comes to paying a price, though, it’s Trump who’ll likely pay a very big, very literal one, according to The New York Times:

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